i always think of things in the shower and forget them: this one being that i totally have my health, just some cells that are misbehaving. Like having a rival gang inside you maybe, except your power you can exert over them is more like in clash of the titans and moving them around on the chess board, kicking them out of the game, sending down a flood, blowing wind on them. Radiation like Zeus and his thunderbolts. maybe its time to finish reading the greek myths book i started a few years ago. look for some analogies. Silly cells. What are you doing?

hello its me, jenne. Im directing you here, because i want you to know what is going on with me. Just in the last week ive been on the phone so much and i fear that maybe you didnt get the whole of it, because of talking so much i have it rehearsed into a few sentences: i will be ok, my surgery is next thursday my tumor is cancerous. But thats not the whole of it, but i also dont want to sink into a this is the definition of me as all there is im my life is this cancer to banish. So ive decieded to make a sort of public spot, email everyone who needs this url and you can tell people too if you want. The more i write or talk about whats going on here on this site, the more time i spend with you all talking is less about the details of my treatment but more just the stupid things we like to talk about, like music or reality tv or godard or chinglish or whatever. IS ok? i hope so. :)

So i was hoping all along this month that the lump that i had felt in my left breast was benign. I felt it in february while showering (nothing before, i even had an exam with my doctor in fall and there was nothing there), had a couple of meetings with doctors then an ultrasound then biopsies and the news on monday 4/22 that it was not simply a cyst, that it is a tumor, the samples somewhere between a stage 2 and 3 breast cancer, estrogen positve though (this is a good thing in terms of treatment). So i am having surgury on thursday 5/2, day after moms birthday, shes coming down here with dad and im really excited to see them but definatly not so jazzed about the circumstances.

Im having whats called a lumpectomy and sentinal node biopsy done, where they take out the lump with a margin of healthy tissue all around. The sentinal node biopsy is that which they inject the tumor with a blue dye and then follow the path to under my arm. There, one to three lymph nodes will light up blue and they will take that out immed. and test while i am in surgery. If there is no cancer cells present in the nodes (i am so hoping for this everyone cross your fingers) then they just take out the tumor and send it to the pathologist i get sent home that day. If there are, then i will have to have all of the nodes removed (they will also be tested) and then will be there overnight in the hospital. This i am not too excited about, i hope so badly that its nowhere else.

THe results of the tumor and or lymph nodes i will get on 5/8. The results will determine the treatment that i will have to follow, if chemo, hormonal therapy, or combo. I will have to go thru radiation treatment, but i will cross that and all of these bridges when i get there.

If you search aroundon the internet you find that there are girls like me who find cancerous tumors. Doctors DO NOT EXPEct YOUNG WOMEN TO HAVE a CANCEROUS TUMORs, they want (optimistically) to think that its just fibroids or cysts or whatever, but it *does* happen., Alot of information out there is for older women so its kind of weird, like explanations of effects of certain treatments being "reexpereincing menopausal symptoms" but what about me? its easy to blame photo chemistry, bad hair dye or whatever for this (somethings that run through my mind) but mainly that from now on i know that i am more sensitve than most to these things and others. and that im taking care of this now. I have had this for a while: these kinds of tumors dont just happpen overnight, its just may have been so small for so long that recently it just got real excited or whatever. NONE OF THAT MATTERS< how it happened etc. I am going to take it out, the whold machinery of it and then do whatever i can to get healthy again. And right now nutritionally we are eating healthier and aaron is the most amazing support emotionally and everything: his love and strength helps me to face waking up in the morning in this new weird world. I have had it for awhile, today is a better day than yesterday because i am a day closer to surgery and having the tumor removed. and all steps after surgery are preventative and curative so that i will be stronger and healther than before. yay!

this is an excerpt from an email from my uncle kevin, who is a doctor and checking things out with me, hes helping me feel very confident in my deciesions as he knows all the lingo and checking in with my doctors so that i am able to bounce off of him what i am thinking in terms of treatment and I am so thankful that he is here in my life right now,


"I got a call back from Dr. Collins this afternoon and he outlined what they know to date about Jenn's condition and what
the next steps are. He tended to confirm that there are both "good news" and "bad news" aspects to this tumor, related to its type, size, estrogen-receptor status, and other hormonal characteristics.
But they won't really know how extensive things are until surgery and a few days thereafter. He is leaving it up to Jenn to
do either "breast sparing" or"more extensive" initial surgery (she seemed to him to be leaning toward breast sparing approach). He makes a convincing case that the statistics on outcomes of either approach are essentially equivalent. And this is my understanding of the recent literature as well -- earlier extensive surgery really didn't need to be done and was more a function of surgical zeal than of considering what is really necessary and what is best for the woman in the long run.
A "lumpectomy" would be accompanied by a lymph node biopsy that would be tested both immediately during surgery (frozen section) and microscopically and biologically following the surgery. This then allows them to determine how extensive the case is and how long to use various forms of radio and/or chemo therapy.
The conference tomorrow will first be with their "team" of surgical, radiation and chemotherapy interventionists. The intent is to develop a plan of action and then present it to Jenn. He doesn't think it is wise to wait too long on this and will likely schedule the surgery within a couple of weeks. He hopes Jenn will be able to decide soon - perhaps as early as tomorrows conference.
My impression in talking to him is that he is "no nonsense" and quite knowledgeable about the disease and the treatment options. I gather they do 400+ breast cancer cases/year there, so there is considerable experience in/among this team and surgical suite - a very good thing. It is also a training facility so this speaks to at least a reasonably high level of quality in programs and processes. Kaiser San Diego is part of the same "Southern California Kaiser" and our experiences with
the specialists here have been uniformly positive (Where Kaiser gets knocked is with primary care and "easy access". They tend to ration by the queue. But once someone has a serious problem they jump on it. "


So off we go! this is all really new and crazy, but i will get through this. Im ok, as to be expected but its not like anything will get in the way of ice skating this weekend, or craft nights or taking pictures or whatever. Ill write when i can, and definatley write whats going on. thanks.

love, jp