Most of my absent last week was spent reading like mad about potential treatments to the point of saturation where i cant really read anymore about breast cancer. This week i could only read on monday and yesterday i couldn really take it. Its really hard to find a balance between cancer being the only topic in your life and the rest of the things in the world, especially because i am not working right now. Its even creeping into my ebay searches "chemo hats" being one that i check everyday. sigh.

I decided against being involved in a clinical trial, to much frustration and stress on my part. I squeaked in to qualify to be in it, but it involved way more chemo than i would have been normally prescribed. I was also kind of scared of the long term effects of a new drug: im 27 and i want to know how this is going to fuck me up at 40 but also feeling a little hypocritical becuase duh, they need people to be involved to do the study to find this stuff out. But i decided to go with my doctors reccomended treatment because i felt like i need to be ok with what i introduce into my body, and since all of this is preventative, the risks just dont add up to being a good decision. ANyways, blah blah. And im going to be a part of a study about support groups at the wellness community more about that later, but its makes me feel good, do something at least.

So i start chemo June 6th. My regimin will probably be CAF 6 times at 3 week cycles, but im free to look into other treatments. I really like my oncologist, hes casual but serious enough, my appointment is anytime before 3pm on june 6th and bring a book and "call me so we can talk about any other treatments that interest you." CAF is fairly standard, contains adriamycin which targets aggressive her2 cells like mine, but the A is at a smaller dose over more time than what we were talking about before.

i went to an orientation at the Wellness Community in Pasadena yesterday. It was really amazing, they have all of these support programs for people dealing with cancer and its such a positive place im really excited about it.

im really tired actually right now, feel like im being real boring. be back tommorrow, more energy, brain then.
love jp